"Banta driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls"

 

I thought this article might interest you.

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Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.  He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.  When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed!

The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and the.."

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Parents Beware : Now, kids find a sex game!

 

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Now, kids find a sex game!

Brit kids, as young as seven, are increasingly shopping for "shag bands"- cheap plastic bracelets with different colours, referring to various sex acts.

Available for just 1 pound on any High Street, the shag bands have become the latest craze among students, and horrified parents across the country. The different colours - black, blue, red, pink, purple, orange, yellow, green and gold - show how far the little pupils will "go" if propositioned, from a kiss to full sex.

Kids chase each other around schools, and, if they break the band off the wearer's wrist, the wearer has to offer the physical act that corresponds to the colour of the band. "A yellow band is the best because all it means is you have to hug a boy. An orange means a love bite and purple is a full-on snog," The Sun quoted a 12-year-old girl as saying.

"If a boy breaks a pink band, a girl has to flash her boobs, a red band means you have to give him a lap dance and a blue is some sort of oral sex. The black means you have to go all the way with a boy. "A gold band is the most important and means you have to do all of the above. They are pretty rare, so if you find a gold band in a shop, you have to get your mum to buy it. "I don't think parents have any idea what the bracelets mean because all the kids at my school wear them and don't get told off," she added.

And if this is not enough, those who do not wear a bracelet are looked down by their peers, while they get respect for wearing the more daring black and gold ones. Parents, who happen to know about the trend, are disgusted with the promiscuous behaviour their kids are indulging in. While some schools and parents have confiscated the bands, many are still unaware of the meaning behind the bracelets.

Another shocking craze many parents are oblivious to is "rainbow parties" - booze and drug-fuelled gatherings where girls wear bright lipstick of different colours to leave their "mark" on boys while giving them oral sex

 

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multi-syllable words

Little Johnny's teacher says "Class today we are going to learn
multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny raises his hand "Me Miss Finch!"

Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad "All right Little Johnny
what is your multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate".

Miss Finch smiles and says "Well little Johnny that sure is a mouthful!".

Little Johnny says "No Miss Finch you're thinking of a blowjob".

I was a light bulb

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then
he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the
ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss
would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are
you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you
think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....)

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   She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

Always allow BOSS to speak first

             A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
                         are on their way to a meeting.
     On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
                        rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

                                The ghost says,
           "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
                            I will allow one wish each"
                      So the eager senior manager shouted,
         "I want the first wish. I want to be at Goa, on a fast boat and
                                 have no worries."
                            Pufffff. and he was gone.

 

 

       Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to
       be In 5-star Hotel  with beautiful attendents , plenty of food and
                                  cocktails.
                       " Pufffff. and he was also gone.
                            

 

                            The boss calmly said,
    "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 2.35 pm."
 

Man opens the door of his car for his wife

Q: What is the difference between your paycheck and your d*ck?

A: You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

 

                        * * * * *

 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

you can be sure of one thing either the car is new or the wife is.

 

                       * * * * *

 

Marrige is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marrige is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

                      * * * * *

Kanjibhai likes Chinese food

Kanjibhai   walked into a Chinese restaurant one day and placed his order. While he was waiting for his food to be prepared, he struck up a conversation with the old Chinese man who was the proprietor of the shop.

The conversation turned to culture and knowledge.

"I am intrigued by how wise you Chinese people are," Kanjibhai  said.

"Yes," replied the Chinaman, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But you Gujarati's  are a very wise people too."

Kanjibhai   replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."

"That's impossible!" the Chinese man replied.

"Why do you say that?" asked Kanjibhai  .

"Because that simply can't be!" replied the Chinese man. "Where would your Gujarati people have eaten for the first thousand years?"

 

 

 

Kanjibhai goes to a Mall

Kanjibhai and Rupaben took their two-year-old Niece ( Mama Ni Dikri ) to the Shopping Mall.

The little girl soon got tired of walking, so Kanjibhai let her ride on his shoulders.

As Kanjibhai walked, The little girl began pulling his hair.

Although Kanjibhai asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting irritated , Kanjibhai asked the little girl to Stop that.

"But, Mamaji ," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my chewing gum back."

Kanjibhai Shins - The Joke

While giving a physical, the doctor noticed Kanjibhai's shins were covered with dark, savage bruises.

"Tell me," asked the doctor to Kanjibhai , "do you play hockey or soccer ?"

"Neither...." said Kanjibhai , "Rupaben and I play bridge."

Funny Sardar Jokes

Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

 

A Mixed Collection of Funny Poetry

Kon kehta hai pyaar may pakray jaeen gay?
Waqt aanay per behen bhai ban jaeen gay

 

Teray husn ki kia taareef karoo?tera bander jaisa mu
Teri zulfo ki kia tareef karoo?teray ek ek baal pe joon

 

Mohabbat mujhay un jawano se hai
Jo khatay peetay gharano se hain

 

Aj bagh may kali hai, kal gulaab ho ga
Mujh se shadi karlo,tum ko sawab ho ga

 

Itnay dino se jalanay nahi aya
Jalti hui aag ko bujhanay nahi aya
Kehta tha saath jiyen gay saath marain gay
Ab rooth gai hoon to ullu ka patha mananay bhi nahi aya.

 

Ghar se roz jata hai wo, Maa ko bohot rulata hai wo
Kambakht baap, Sab ko hi satata hai wo

 

Hathi nay kaha ja kar hathni ki kabar per
Sadqay jaoo tumhari patli kamar per

 

Tum bhi becahara,hum bhi becahara
Fittay mu tumhara,fittay mu hamara

 

Hum nay usay dekha angle badal kar
Us nay hamay mara sandle badal kar

 

Dil kay armaa aanso'oo may bah gaye
Un kay bachay hamay mamu kah gaye

 

Hum nay tumhay dil diya dildar samajh kar
Tum kha gaye is ko naswaar samajh kar

 

Dabbay may dabba dabbay may khargosh
Nana nay aankh mari nani behosh

 

Khuda karay sab haseenaao ke baap mar jaeen
Maut ka bahana ho aur hum in kay ghar jaeen

 

Ishq kay samander main ghota lagaya
Pani both thanda tha main bahar nikal aya

 

Un ki gali say guzray,ajab ittefaq tha
Unho nay phool phanka,gamla bhi saath tha

 

Log kehtay hain kayamat kay din marr jaeen gay
Hum bhi bohot chalaak hai,mangi thallay war jaeen gay

 

Wo ankh bari pyaari thi jo hum nay usay mari thi
Wo sandle bari bhari thi jo us nay hamay mari thi

 

Mera dil para hai loose Is ko matt karo tum use
Warna parain gay tum ko shoes

 

"Sahib Zaday kiya karte hain" Larki Waloon ne poocha
"Jab dekho farigh phirte hain ya tambako pite hain"
Larkay ki amman yeh bolin....kam kare us ki joti
"do bhai bhatta lete hain--abba khair se daku hain"

 

nakam muhabbat ka har eik dukh sehna..
.har haal main anjam se darte rehna
Qudrat ka barra anjam hai jaidi........
mehbooba ki olad ka "mamoon" kehna!

 

Ishq main fanni kharabi...........Munqata hi ho geya saab silsila
Is tarha toota hai un se wasta....jis tarha T.V main toote rabta

 

Rat ka waqt hai or masjid hai qareeb
uthiye jaldi se ke peghame amal laya hoon
ghar main hain filhal jitne bhi purane jote
aap bhi jake badal lain main badal aya hoon

 

or bhi chizain lut chuki hain dil ke sath
yeh batayen doston ne ishq farmane ke baad
is liye kamre ki eik eik chiz check karta hoon main
" eik tere ane se pehle eik tere jane ke baad"

 

bhains rakhne ka takalluf hamse ho sakta nahin
ham ne sokhe doodh ka dabba jo hai rakha hua
ghar main rakhain ghair mehrm ko mulazim kis liye
kam karne ke liye abba jo hai rakha hua

 

Utha kar phool ki patti, nazaakat se masal daali
Ishaarey se kaha Hum dil "Aisa" haal kartey hain

 

dil karta hai keh uss kay nazook hontoon koo chuum loonnnnn
magar uss kee behteee hooyee naak nay meraa iradaa hee badal diyaaa

 

chandni chand se hogi to sitaroon ka kiya ho ga
mohabbat eik se hogi to hazaroon ga kiya ho ga

 

Abhi abhi to pyaar ka computer kiya hai chaaloo
Aab main dil ki hard disk pe aur kitni files daaloo

 

Apne chehare se ruswaai ka error to hatao
Ai jaaneman apne dil ka password to batao

 

Woh to hum hain jo aap ki chahat dil main rakhte hain
Warna aap jaise kitney hi softwares bazaar main bikte hain

 

Roz raat ko aap mere sapne main aate ho
Mere pyar ko mouse bana ke ungaliyon pe nachaate ho

 

Tere pyar ka email mere dil ko Lubhataa hai
Par beech main tere baap ka virus aataa hai

 

Aur karvaaoge humse kitnaa intezaar
Hamaare dil ki site pe kabhi enter to maro yaar

 

Apni insult ka badalaa dekhna main kaise loonga
Jaaneman tere baap ko Shift Delete kar doonga

 

Aap jaiso ke liye dil ko cut ker diya karte hai
Warna baaki cases main to copy paste kiya karte hai

 

Aapka hasnaa aap ka chalnaa aap ki woh style
Aapke adaaon ki hamne save hai kar li file

Nine Jokes 18+ Amazing

 

1) "Rape is Not a Crime"
 Its just a "Surprise Sex"

 

 2)Medical Science Says:
 "Tight Clothing Slows Blood Circulation"
 But the Truth is..
 "Tighter The Woman's Clothing,
 Faster The Circulation Of MAN's Blood" ;->

 

 3)In school canteen,
 there was a basket of apples with a written note:
 "don't take more than 1, God is watching!"
 A little further there was a box of choclates,
 a naughty child wrote:
 "Take as many as u want. God is watching the apples"

 

 4)8 year son: Dad what's sex?
 Dad gets tensed but explained everything.
 Kid: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of admision form
 ?

 

 5)A depressed boy asked an old man:
 Is there anything worst than losing a girlfriend?
 He replied: Yes, Losing your confidence of getting another one.

 

 6)Virginity is
 Neither a Dignity,
 Nor a Security,
 Nor Even a Sign of Purity,
 Its just a...
 Lack of 0pportunity."
"

 

 

 7)Woman in bed with husband's best friend.
 phone rings,
 Woman: Yes?.. Ok,.. fine,..bye.
 Turns to her Lover and laughs;
 My husband saying he is playing golf with you.

 

 8)A criminal enter into bed room,
 tied up husband & wife,
 kissed wife's ear & went to bathroom.
 Husband told wife, "satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong I LOVE U"
 Wife said "He didnt kiss me,
 He whispered in my ear that he's GAY,
 needs vaseline & I told him its in the bathroom.
 So b strong, I LOVE [....]

 

 9)A 5 year old boy,
 while taking bath
 and examining his testicles
 Asks: 'Mum, are these my brains?'
'Not yet', she replied.

 

 

 

 

Small Joke

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'

She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'

Collection of 5 Sweet SMS

1) Position of a husband is like split A.C..No matter how loud it is
outside, but inside the room it is designed to remain silent !........

 

 

 

2) At a party someone yelled: "All married guys, please HUG the person who
has made your life worth living."

 

The bartender almost got crushed..!!

 

 

 

3) Girl 2 Mom: Mom i hav strtd loving a boy!

 

Mom angry:Wat?? Hw old is he? Wt duz he do??

 

Girl:He is 3 months old. Hapily kicking in my stomach :-P

 

 

4) Kaun kaheta hai akele aaye they..
Akele jayenge..

 

Arrey, Bina do ke koi aa nahin sakta..

 

Aur, Bina chaar ke koi jaa nahin sakta...

 

 

5) Orange Ka Juice
Mera Yaar Kanjus

 

Aam Ka Achar
Uske Bahane Humesa Taiyar

 

Ganne Ka Ras
Na Kare Tu Sms

 

Bahane Hai Easy
Kehte Ho I'm Busy

HINDI JOKES FROM GANESH KUMBLE

TEACHER NE MONU SE KAHA-
"MONU, IS BAR TUMHE 80% ANK LANE HAI."

 

MONU BOLA- "SIR, IS BAAR MAI 80% NAHI 100%
ANK LAUNGA."

 

TEACHER BADA HAIRAN HUA- "TUM KYO
MAJAK KAR RAHE HO."

 

MONU NE KAHA- "PAHLE MAJAK SHURU
KISNE KIYA THA ?"

**********************************
TEACHER NE MONTU SE PUCHHA-
"MONTU TUM AAJ PHIR SCHOOL LATE AAYE HO.
KAB UTHTE HO?"

 

MONTU NE JAWAB DIYA- "JI, SONE KE BAAD."
SHERU UNCLE NE ARPITA SE KAHA -
"ARPITA AAJ TO CHAY PINE KA MAJA AA GAYA."

 

ARPITA NE KAHA- "UNCLE JI, AGAR BILLI NE
DUDH ME MUH NA MARA HOTA TO AUR BHI
MAJA AATA."

**********************************
EK VYAKTI NE EK BACHCHE SE PUCHHA-
"KYO MUNNE, TUMHARI MATAJI ITNI MASHAHUR
HEROIN HOKAR HER DIN APNE PATI SE LADTI
RAHTI HAI.

 

MAI TUMHARE PITAJI SE MILANA CHAHTA HU,
KYA NAAM HAI UNKA?"

 

BACHCHA BOLA- "MAI KYA JANU, ISI BAAT PAR
DONO JAGDATE RAHTE HAI."

**********************************
EK AADAMI HAKLA THA.
KISI NE USASE PUCHHA- "KYA AAP HAKLATE HAI?"

 

"JI NAHI, SIRF BOLTE WAQT."
HAKLE NE JAWAB DIYA.

**********************************
DOCTOR NE MARIJ SE PUCHHA-
"AAPKO KYA SHIKAYAT HAI?"

 

MARIJ NE BATAYA- "DOCTOR SAHAB,
MAI KHATA HU TO MUJE NIND AA JATI HAI."

 

DOCTOR NE SUJAV DIYA- "TO AAP AISA KIYA KIJIYE,
PAHLE SO LIYA KIJIYE AUR PHIR KHANA KHAYA KIJIYE."

**********************************
EK DOST DUSRE DOST SE APANI PATNI KI
DHOKHE BAJI KE BARE ME BATATE HUE BOLA-
"MAI KUCHH DINO KE LIYE BAHAR GAYA THA -
AUR JAB MAI GHAR AAYA TO MAINE APNI PATNI
KO APNE HI DOST KE SATH BADROOM ME DEKHA,

 

JABKI MAINE USE APNE LAUTNE KA SMS BHI BHEJA
THA, TUM HI BATAO, ISE KYA KAHENGE?"

 

DUSRA DOST BOLA- "YAHI KI SHAYAD USE
TUMHARA SMS NAHI MILA."

**********************************
EK BAHUT MOTE AADAMI KO SCOOTER
KI HALKI SI TAKKAR LAG GAI.

 

WAH SCOOTER CHALAK PAR BIGADKAR BOLA –
"KYO BE, THODA-SA BACHKAR NAHI CHAL SAKTA THA?"

 

"KYA KARU.... PETROL BAHUT MAHENGA HAI....
ITNA LAMBA CHAKKAR KAHA TAK KATATAA?"
SCOOTER CHALAK NE KAHA.

**********************************
PREMI NE PREMIKA SE VIVAH KI
ANUMATI MANGI.

 

PREMIKA NE PUCHHA- "OH, KYA TUMNE
YE SHABD PAHLE BHI KISI LADKI SE KAHE THE?"

 

PREMI BOLA- "TUMHARA MATALAB HAI KI
PAHLI BAAR HI SUNDAR DHANG SE KAH
SAKTA HU?"

**********************************
ADYAPAK NE KAHA-
"SURESH, SIDDH KARO KI VASTU
GARMI PAKAR FAILATI HAI?"

 

SURESH NE JAWAB DIYA-
"GARMIYO ME CHHUTTIYA FAILKAR DO
MAAS KI TATHA SARDIYO ME SIKUD KAR
SIRF DAS DIN KI RAH JATI HAI.

**********************************
BETE NE MAA SE PUCHHA-
"MUMMY, HAMARA BAHAR WALA
FULDHAN AGAR KOI TOD DE
TO TUM KYA KAROGI?"

 

MUMMY NE KAHA - "MAI US
HARAMJADE KI HADDIYA TOD DUNGI.

 

BETA BOLA - "TO TAIYAR HO JAO.
PAPA PHULDAAN TODKAR HI AA RAHE HAI."

**********************************
SUBHASH NE PUCHHA-
"TUM MERI BAAT SUNOGE?"

 

DINESH NE KAHA - "KYO NAHI,
BASART WAH LEN - DEN KI NA HO."

**********************************
TEACHER- "EK BACHCHA MEJ KE
UPAR BAITHA HAI AUR DO BACHCHE
MEJ KE NICHE.

 

BATAO KUL KITNE BACHCHE HAI?"
CHHATRA- "JI, 1 BATA 2"

**********************************
TEACHER- "YADI KISI KA JANM 1900
ME HUA HO TO USKI AAYU KYA HOGI?"

 

CHHATRA- "PAHLE YAH BATAIYE KI
WAH MARD HAI YA AURAT?"

**********************************
SHAHRUKH KHAN KA BAHUWACHAN KYA HAI?'

 

"ICICI BANK."

 

"KAISE?"

 

SHAHRUKH KAHTE HAI - "MAI HU NA."

 

ICICI BANK KAHTA HAI - "HAM HAI NA."

**********************************
PREMIKA- "PRIYE ! HUM DONO KI
JINDGI ME AAJ KA DIN SABSE JYADA
KHUSHI KA DIN HAI."

 

PREMI- "PAR HAMARI SHADI
TO KAL HO RAHI HAI."

 

PREMIKA- "ISILIYE TO KAH RAHI HU."

**********************************
MAKE-UP ME LIPI-PUTI MAHILA KO
DEKHKAR BHIKHARI NE KAHA-
MADAM, 4 DIN SE MAINE KUCH
NAHI KHAYA HAI."

 

MAHILA NE BADE GAUR SE
USE DEKHA AUR BOLI-
"GAJAB KI WILL POWER HAI TUMHARI.

 

MAI TO DIATING KE LIYE BHI
BHUKHI NAHI RAH PATI."

**********************************
CHAPRASI- "SAHAB, AAPKE JIGARI
DOST KA PHONE AAYA THA."

 

SAHAB- "TUMNE KAISE JANA KI
WAH MERA JIGARI DOST HI HAI?"

 

CHAPRASI- "SAHAB, USNE KAHA
THA KI JARA DEKHO TO OFFICE
ME WAH BEVKUPH AAYA HAI YAA NAHI?"

**********************************
TEACHER- SCHOOL KA HOMEWORK
JISNE NAHI KIYA HAI, WAH SAJA
PANE KE LIYE TAIYAR HO JAO."

 

EK CHHATRA- "SAR, KYA KISI KO AISE
KAAM KE LIYE SAJA DI JA SAKTI HAI,
JO USNE KIYA HI NAHI HO?"

Sweet 8 Jokes

1) Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India.
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What "which part"? Whole body was born in India.

 

2) Two sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

 

3) Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

 

4) Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

 

5) Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

 

6) At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

 

7) Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is "All India Radio!"

 

8) Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child..

START OF LIFE

Enter Password F*****.
FR****
FRI***
FRIE**
FRIEN*
FRIEND

 

Code accepted::""--"":

 

Welcome". ." to "v" MY HEART !

 

....................................

 

 

Mandiro me Hath Jode jate hai,
Masjido me Hath Failaye jate hai.

 

Per sirf "DOSTI" hi ek aisa Rishta hai
Jisme Hath Milaye jate hai.............

 

....................................

 

 

Birth is "START OF LIFE",
Beauty is "ART OF LIFE",

 

Love is "PART OF LIFE",
Death is "LAST OF LIFE",

 

BUT, Friendship is the "HEART OF LIFE".

 

....................................

 

 

"FRIEND": who is

 

F: First for me.
R: Ready anytime for me.
I: Inspires me.
E: Enjoys life with mi.
N: Never forgets me.
D: Dear! Its YOU.

 

....................................

 

 

ATTITUDE define ALTITUDE - 5 SMS

Night is longer than day for those who DREAM
& day is longer than night for those who make their DREAMS come true.

 

.................................................

 

Wen it rains all d birds fly 4Shelter.
Bt Eagle Alone Avoids d Rain By Flying Above d Cloud.
Problem is common 2 all Bt ATTITUDE define ALTITUDE

 

.................................................

 

Never blame a day in Ur life.
Good day gives "happiness"

 

Bad days gives "experience"
So enjoy two day everyday

 

.................................................

 

As far as u think 'NOT NOW',
Succes becomes 'NEVER'...

 

But as soon as u think 'WHY NOT NOW',
Success surely will become 'YOURS' ...!

.................................................

 

The most determinative & motivating sentence which shud always be followed in life.

 

The RACE is NOT OVER because I haven't WON yet.

 

.................................................

 

 

 

 

Jokes by Engineers

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

 

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

 

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

 

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again, It might work...".

 

 

Getting Married be carful- best jokes

• Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

 

To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead !

 

 

 

 

• Different Phases of a man:

 

After engagement: Superman

 

After Marriage: Gentleman

 

After 10 years: Watchman

 

After 20 years: Doberman

 

 

 

 

 

• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

 

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

 

 

 

 

• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

 

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

 

 

 

 

• How Dogs and Women are alike?

 

Neither believe that silence is golden, neither can balance a checkbook, and Both put too much value on kissing

 

 

 

 

• The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"

 

 

 

 

• A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

 

A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.

 

A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

 

 

 

 

• Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.

 

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

 

Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

 

 

 

 

• Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

 

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

 

 

 

 

• Q: Why dogs don't marry?

 

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

 

 

 

 

• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

 

 

 

 

• Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha. Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se barish start ho gayi.

 

Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gayi.

 

 

 

 

• On Jeeto's bday Santa had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

 

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.

 

 

 

 

• Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.

 

TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.

 

 

 

 

• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

 

 

 

 

• Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa. Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.

 

Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete Hon.

 

 

 

 

• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

 

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

 

 

 

 

• Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring(wife)

 

 

 

 

• What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!

 

 

 

 

• Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

 

Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"

 

 

 

 

5 New Jokes

                   Ek bhoot dusare bhoot ko bolta hai -

 

                    Kitni ajeeb baat hai aadmi mar ne

 

                    ke baad bhoot ban jata hai,
               par aurat chudel ki chudel hi rehti hai..... 
 
                     

 

                    Wife - Ek baat bolu maarna mat.
                            Husband - Bolo.
                          Wife - I am pregnant.
                 Husband - Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
                    Wife - College me ek baar papa ko
                       batai thi to bahut maara tha. 
 
             

 

                A marathi student in a village was asked to
                  read the English numbers 70, 82, 89, 99.
          He reads "Shewanti, Yeti tu? Yeti nai? nai tar nai..."

 

 

 

        Accused - Bachpan me maa ki bat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
                         Judge - Kya kehti thi maa?
        Accused - Jab bat hi nahi suni to kaise batau kya kehti thi?
         Wife - "Suno ji, doctor ne muze 1 mahine aaram k liye kisi
           Hill station pe jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?"
                      Husband - Dusre doctor ke pas.

 

 

 

 

         A villager goes to a 5 star hotel and orders fried fish.
                     Waiter - Sir, French or Spanish?
         Santa - Jo marji le aa, muje kaunsi baatein karni hai....! 
                                                                       

 

 

old age funtime

A 90-year-old man was getting his annual checkup done. The doctor asked him How he was feeling.

 

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

 

The doctor thought for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story.

 

I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his
Umbrella instead of his gun".

 

The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and
suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

 

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

 

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
Someone else must have shot! that lion."

 

....."EXACTLY !!" Said the Doctor.

 

 

Aspire to Inspire before you Expire

What A Coincidence!

 

A chicken farmer went to a local bar..... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

 

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

 

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me...... I am celebrating'

 

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

 

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

 

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

 

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

 

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

 

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

 

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

 

 

Aspire to Inspire before you Expire

group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians.

 

They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one politician every hour.

 

********

 

Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.

 

Doctor: Don't worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it's the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

 

********

 

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."

 

Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

 

********

 

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

 

"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

 

 

sitting at a computer all day

For those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

 

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

 

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

 

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

What is the meaning of WIFE naughty jokes

Three friends, one Bengali, one Punjabi and one Tamil were travelling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE ?"

 

First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it."

 

Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. Through it".

Third and last turn was of Punjabi, "Wife is like a casette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

 

 

MY HUSBAND DID

A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ..... and robs the Bank!...

 

But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line:

 

"Did you see me rob this Bank?" The customer replies ....."YES"

 

The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT TO THE CUSTOMER HEAD and BANG!!!!...

 

SHOOTS THE CUSTOMER IN THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM!

 

The bank robber quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the woman: "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK????"

 

The woman calmly responds . "No ... but MY HUSBAND DID!"

 

 

What is the secret behind your happy married life

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

ISHQ or DOSTI meri zindgi ka guman-sms collection

ISHQ or DOSTI meri zindgi ka guman h..
ISHQ meri ruh DOSTI mera iman h..

 

ISHQ pe kar du fida apni sari ZINDGI..
Magar DOSTI par mera ISHQ B QURBAAN hai.

 

..................

 

My maths teacher told me 1'hour=60 mins.
& 1'min=60'secs.

 

But she never told me that 1'sec.
Without a FRIEND like U is equal to 100'years.

 

...................

 

How long shall v b friends?
Do u want a clue?

 

As long as stars twinkle in the sky, till the water runs dry
& till the day I die. We will b friends.

 

....................

 

A single candle can illuminate an entire room.

 

A true friend lights up an entire lifetime.

 

Thanks for the bright lights of ur friendship.

 

 

 

 

4 Marriage Mix Jokes

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

 

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

 

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

 

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

 

******

 

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

 

He asks, "What are you doing?"

 

She answers, "I'm moving to London . I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."

 

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

 

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".

 

******

 

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

 

2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

 

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

 

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

 

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

 

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

 

******

 

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

 

His wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."

 

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up,

 

She looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box giftwrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.

 

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.

 

 

maut ke baad yaad aa raha hai koi sms collection

maut ke baad yaad aa raha hai koi,
meri kabr se mitti utha raha hai koi,

 

eh khuda do pal ki zindagi aur dede,
meri kabr se udaas ja raha hai koi...

...................................................

 

Zaroori to nahin jeene ke liye sahara ho
Zaroori to nahin hum jinke hain vo hamara ho

 

Kuch Kashtiyaan doob bhi jaati hain...
Zaroori to nahin ke har Kashti ka koi kinara ho....

...................................................

 

humne socha shayad sirf hum chahate hai aapko,
par aapko chahne walon ka to kafila nikla.

 

dil ne kaha shikayat kare khuda se,
par woh bhi aapko chahne wala nikla...

...................................................

 

Raat hui jab shaam ke baad,
Teri yaad aayi har baat ke baad.

 

Humne khamosh rehkar bhi dekha,
par teri aawaz aayi har saans ke baad...

...................................................

 

 

Yaaden teri rakh di hai sambhalkar sms collection

Yaaden teri rakh di hai sambhalkar,
Dur kahi is dil se nikalkar.

 

Sab kuch to vapas le liya hai aapne dur jaakar,
In yaadon ko bhi le jana kisi roz aakar..

 

..........................................

 

Dil to Jalkar rakh ho gaya,
Magar in ankho se roya na gaya,

 

Kuch jakhm judai ke aise mile,
Ki phoolon ke bister pe bhi soya na gaya.

 

..........................................

 

Mitti meri kabr se churata hai koi,
Mar kar bhi yaad ata hai koi,

 

Ae khuda ek pal ki jindagi aur de mujhe,
Udas meri kabr se jata hai koi

..........................................

 

Dhadkano ko sunkar bhi tumhe pyaar ki khabar nahi hoti...
Kya mahsoos karoge tum dil ka dard,
Dil tutne ki to awaz bhi nahi hoti

Dil se tera khayal na jaaye to kya karu - sms

Dil se tera khayal na jaaye to kya karu,
tu hee bata tu yaad aaye to kya karu.

 

hasrat yeh hai ki ek nazar tujhe dekh lu,
magar kismat woh din na laaye to kya karu.

 

.................................................

 

har acchi cheez ka bura jawab nahi hota,
har husn lajawab nahi hota...

 

nazar to nazaro se milti hai,
har nazar ka matlab pyar nahi hota..

 

.................................................

 

Yeh dosti meri nahi hamaari hai,
Isliye toh saab rishton si pyaari hai.

 

Zaroori nahi doston ka roz milna,
Tabhi toh sms,phone calls,mails ka silsila jaari hai!

 

..................................................

 

Aankhen thak gayi meri Uske intezar me;
Waqt ne loota hume Bhare bazaar me;

 

kyon nahin aayi wo Milne humse;
Hum me kami thi, Ya humare pyar me.....

 

..................................................

 

 

 

 

30 romantic sms

1  Unki Tasviro Ko Seene Se Laga Lete Hai, Is Tarah Judai Ka Gam Mita Dete Hai, Kisi Tara Kabhi Unka Zikr Ho Jaye To, Bheegi Palko Ko Juka Lete Hai.

2  Ai meri zindagi yu mujhse daga na kar, Use bhul kar zinda rahu ye dua na kar, Koi dekhta hai use to hoti hai taqleef, Ai hawa tu bhi use chua na kar.

3  Karte Rahe Intezaar Har Ghari, A Dil Humne Ye Kaya Kho Diya Uth Gaya Yakeen Wafa Se, Jaane Tumne Wo Waada Kyon Kiya Suraj Nei Hansna Aur Taaron Nei Muskuranaa Chhor Diya Aag  Thee Dil Mei Mohabaat Ki, Usney Bee Ab Jalna Chhor Diya

4  Woh Ek Lafz Ki Khushboo Na Rakh Sake Mehfooz Hum Unke Haath Sari Kitaab Kya Dete

5  Intezaar Ke Lamhe Sholey Mein Badalne Lage Hain, Hum Unka Intezaar Karne Lage Hain, Woh Aayi Nahi Abhi Tak Samay

Bahot Ho Gaya Hain, Ab To Hum Ghadi Se Bhi Sharminda Ho Gaye Hain

6  Unki Tasviro Ko Seene Se Laga Lete Hai, Is Tarah Judai Ka Gam Mita Dete Hai, Kisi Tara Kabhi Unka Zikr Ho Jaye To, Bheegi Palko Ko Juka Lete Hai.

 

7  Din Tere Khayal Mein Gujar Jata Hai, Raat Ko Bhi Khayal Tera He Aata Hai. Kabhi Ye Khayal Is Tarah Bad Jaata Hai Ki Aaine Mein Bhi Tera Chehra Nazar Aata Hai.

8  Itna Kuch Khoya Ki Hume Paana Na Aaya, Pyar Kiya To Jatana Na Aaya. Aa Gaye Is Dil Mein Pehli Hi Nazar Mein Who, Kasoor Humara Tha Jo Hume Unke Dil Mein Samana Na Aaya.

9  Hum Na Hote To, Kisi Aur Ke Charche Hote, Na Hota Jo Yeh Ishq, To Koi Aur Gham Ke Bahaane Hote

10  Raat Gumsum Hai Magar Chan Khamosh Nahi, Kaise Keh Du Aaj Fir Hosh Nahi. Aisa Duba Teri Aakho Ki Gehrai Main, Haath Mein Jam Hai Magar Pine Ka Hosh Nahi.

11  Sirf Tum Hi Ho Zindagi Main Par Main Tumhe Pa Nahi Sakta, Rahega Dukh Hamesha Tumhe Na Pane Ka. Par Apni Khushi Ke Liye Tumhe Rula Nahi Sakta.

12  Kuch Bata Pichle Paher Khuwaab Main Aane Wale Kab Woh Din Aayenge Phir Humko Milane Wale

13  Kuch Jane Kuch Pahchane ,Kuch Anjane Se Log Miley, Shayed Main Deewana Mujhko Deeewane Se Log Miley.

14  Hum Wo Nai Jo Bhul Jaya Karte Hai, Hum Wo Hai Jo Nibhaya Karte Hai, Dur Rehke Milna Shyad Mushkil Ho, Par Yad Banke Sason Me Bus Jaya Karte Hai.

15  Har Waqt Muskurana Fitrat Hai Hamari, Aap Yuhin Khush Rahe Hasrat Hai Hamari, Aap Ko Hum Yaad Aaye Na Aaye, Aapko Yad Karna Aadat Hai Hamari

16  Tez Dhadkanoon Ko Sunkar Bhi Tumhe Pyar Ki Khabar Nahi Hoti.... Kya Mehsoos Karoge Tum Dil Ka Dard, Dil Ke Tutne Ki To Awaaz Bhi Nahi Hoti....

17  Dard Mein Dil Ke Muskarane Se Yaad Aaye Kuch Log Purane Se Main To Do Kadam Bhi Nahi Chal Sakta Tu He Aaja Kisi Bahane Se

18  Meri Chaahat Pe Tum Humesha Bharosha Rakhana, Ey Khuda Mere Mehboob Ko Sada Salamat Rakhana, Tere Sapnoko Sanwar Ne Hum Jaroor Aayenge, Bas Aankho Me Humara Intezaar Rakhana

19  Sitaro Ko Ankho Me Mahefus Rakhna Bahot Lambi Raat Hi Raat Hogi........ Musafir Ho Tum Bhi, Musafir He Ham Bhi Kahi Kisi Mod Pe Phir Mulakat Hogi......

20  Youn Badi Der Se Paimaana Liye Betha Hu, Koi Dekhe To Ye Samjhe K Piye Betha Hu.... Zindagi Bhar K Liye Ruth K Jaane Wale, Mein Abhi Tak Teri Tasveer Liye Bhetha Hu....

21  Jinki Tamanna Dil Mein Thi, Judai Ab Hum Unki Sehte Hain, Fursat Nahi Unhe Humse Baat Karne Ki, Is Liye Hum Har Waqt Khamosh Se Rehte Hain

22   Veeran Hai Dil, Tanhaaiyon Ki Bahar Hai Tere Yandon Ke Kanty, Bas Yahi Kuch Ab Sath Hai Tum Gai Sath Mai Chale Gai Hai Najare Najaro Mai Bas Ab Sirf Tera Intzaar Hai

23  Gam Bade Aate Hain..Katil Ki Nighaahon Ki Tarah, Tum Chupa Lo Mujhe Ae Dost Mujhe Gunaahon Ki Tarah

24  Aap Har Manzil Ko Mushkil Samjhate Hai, Hum Har Mushkil Ko Manzil Samjhate Hai, Bada Fark Hai Aapke Or Humare Nazriye Mein, Aap Dil Ko Dard Or Hum Dard Ko Dil Samjhate Hai.

25  Esa Na Tha Ki Aaine Ke Aage,Hamne Khud Ko Kabhi Savara Na Tha !! Esa Bhi Na Tha Ki Bhari Duniya Main,Mera Koi Sahara Na Tha !! Per Hum Jiske Ho Chuke He Dilo Jaan Se,Afsos Vo Hamara Na Tha !!

26  Na Milne Ki Khushi Na Bichhed Ne Ka Gam, Na Udaas Na Tanha Hai Hum. Kaise Kahe Kaise Hai Hum.... Bas Aapke Bina Akele Hai Hum....

27  Ansuo Se Palak Bhigo Leta Tha.., Yaad Teri Ati Thi To Ro Leta Thha...... Socha Tha Ke Bhoola Du Tujhey Mager, Har Baar Faisla Badal Deta Tha....

28  Wafa Karne Ka Wada To Hum Bhi Naa Kar Paayenge, Magar Yeh Jaroor Kahte Hai Ki Bewfai Naa Hogi Humse...

29  Yaad Karta Hoon Tumhe Yaad Aati Hi Nai Kaise Aayae Woh Cheez Jo Jaati Hi Nahi

30  Na Samjha Meri Mohobbat Ko Tune, Na Samjhi Gayi Teri Wafa Mujhse... Gila Na Kiyaa Tha Kabhi Bhi Humne, Ab Kyaa Karenge Shikaayat Tujhse...
 

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai went into a cafeteria and ordered two drinks

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai went into a cafeteria and ordered two drinks.

 

Then they produced Thepla's from their shopping bags and started to eat.

 

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them,
"You can't eat your own food in here!"

 

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged Theplas.

 

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town and three beggars thought of approaching him for help

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town. Three beggars thought of approaching him for help. The first man went to the millionaire and said: "O Lord! I want five rupees. Please give me." The millionaire was taken aback at this man's impudence. "What! You demand five rupees from me as though I owe you the money! How dare you? How can I afford to give five rupees to a single beggar? Here, take these two rupees and get away," he said. The man went away with the two rupees.
 
The next beggar went to the millionaire and said: "Oh Lord! I have not taken a square meal for the past ten days. Please help me."
"How much do you want?" asked the millionaire.

 

 

 

"Whatever you give me, Maharaj," replied the beggar.
"Here, take this ten rupee note. You can have nice food for at least three days." The beggar walked away with the ten rupee note.
 
The third beggar came. "Oh Lord, I have heard about your noble qualities. Therefore, I have come to see you. Men of such charitable disposition are verily the manifestations of God on earth," he said.

 

 

 

"Please sit down," said the millionaire. "You appear to be tired. Please take this food," he said, and offered food to the beggar.
"Now please tell me what I can do for you."

 

 

 

"Oh Lord," replied the beggar; "I merely came to meet such a  noble personage that you are. You have given me this rich food already. What more need I get from you? You have already shown extraordinary kindness towards me. May God bless you!"

 

 

 

But the millionaire, struck by the beggar's spirit, begged of the beggar to remain with him, built a decent house for him in his own compound, and looked after him for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

God is like this good millionaire. Three classes of people approach Him, with three different desires and prayers. There is the greedy man full of vanity, full of arrogance, full of desires. He demands the objects of worldly enjoyment from God. Since this man, whatever be his vile desires, has had the good sense to approach God, He grants him some part of the desired objects (even these very soon pass away, just as the two rupees the first beggar got are spent before nightfall).

 

 

 

The other type of devotee prays to the Lord for relief from the sufferings of the world, but is better than the first one, in as much as he is ready to abide by His Will. To him the Lord grants full relief from suffering, and bestows on him much wealth and property.

 

 

 

The third type  he merely prays to the Lord: "O Lord, Thou art Existence-Absolute, Knowledge-Absolute, Bliss-Absolute, etc., etc." What does he want? Nothing. But the Lord is highly pleased with his spirit of renunciation, of desirelessness and of self-surrender. Therefore, He makes him eat His own food, I.e., He grants this man Supreme Devotion to Himself. Over and above this, He makes the devotee to live in His own House For ever afterwards this devotee dwells in the Lord's Abode as a Liberated Sage

 

 

 

 

Mothers & daughters-in-law new joke

Mothers & daughters-in-law!

 
A group of young women decided to arrange for
a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully
get to know and understand each other better s
eeing relations between them were very sour.  
Two buses were hired, one for the mothers-in-law
and the other for the daughters-in-law.

 
Unfortunately the bus with the mothers-in-law
was involved in an accident and all the passengers
died on the spot. The daughters in law (
women being women) shed a few tears but they
were all puzzled by one sister who wailed
uncontrollably for what they perceived to be her loss.

 
Her friend asked her, "Forgive me for asking
but why are you crying so hard, I didn't realize
u were so close to your mother-in-law?" to which she replied,

 
"No we are not close at all, she missed the bus!"

Correction - JOKES

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

............................................

Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband:  Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...??
U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

............................................

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married.

Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

............................................

Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
& the other ensures U Continue to do so.

............................................

man ordered a soup in the restaurant JOKES

A man ordered a soup in the restaurant but, as soon as the soup arrived, he had to go to the bathroom.
To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I HAVE SPIT IN THE SOUP".
Once he returned, he found a message on the same napkin: "ME, TOO".

...............................................

Son asks father diff btw Confidence and Confidential?
Dad says- u are my son, i am confident,
Ur friend is also my son that's Confidential.

...............................................

A pregnant lady goes to one swamiji.
The swami says when the baby get's delivered the baby's father will die!
The lady says "oh thank god, my husband is safe.."

...............................................

Heart beat are countless,
Spirits are ageless,
Dreams r endless,
Memories are timeless
And a friend like u is Useless.
Oops! Sorry Yaar, Priceless...

...............................................

 

Kabhi Honda Chalaya kya hindi jokes

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45 KMPH on a high

way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came zooooooooooooooooming

on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari 'Kabhi Honda

chalaya kya?'

and sped off....The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.

 

After some time the Sardarji came zoooooooooom... in the

opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again 'kabhi honda chalaya

kya?' and speed off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the

Sardar was teasing about his driving.

 

After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said

the same thing peeping into the car .

 

The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off.

This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he

found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.. He got down and mocked at the

sardar

 

' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaya kya?'

 

The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond

raha tha'