ATTITUDE define ALTITUDE - 5 SMS

Night is longer than day for those who DREAM
& day is longer than night for those who make their DREAMS come true.

 

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Wen it rains all d birds fly 4Shelter.
Bt Eagle Alone Avoids d Rain By Flying Above d Cloud.
Problem is common 2 all Bt ATTITUDE define ALTITUDE

 

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Never blame a day in Ur life.
Good day gives "happiness"

 

Bad days gives "experience"
So enjoy two day everyday

 

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As far as u think 'NOT NOW',
Succes becomes 'NEVER'...

 

But as soon as u think 'WHY NOT NOW',
Success surely will become 'YOURS' ...!

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The most determinative & motivating sentence which shud always be followed in life.

 

The RACE is NOT OVER because I haven't WON yet.

 

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Jokes by Engineers

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

 

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Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

 

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Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

 

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Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

 

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Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year

 

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A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

 

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

 

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

 

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again, It might work...".

 

 

Getting Married be carful- best jokes

• Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

 

To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead !

 

 

 

 

• Different Phases of a man:

 

After engagement: Superman

 

After Marriage: Gentleman

 

After 10 years: Watchman

 

After 20 years: Doberman

 

 

 

 

 

• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

 

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

 

 

 

 

• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

 

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

 

 

 

 

• How Dogs and Women are alike?

 

Neither believe that silence is golden, neither can balance a checkbook, and Both put too much value on kissing

 

 

 

 

• The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"

 

 

 

 

• A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

 

A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.

 

A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

 

 

 

 

• Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.

 

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

 

Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

 

 

 

 

• Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

 

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

 

 

 

 

• Q: Why dogs don't marry?

 

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

 

 

 

 

• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

 

 

 

 

• Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha. Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se barish start ho gayi.

 

Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gayi.

 

 

 

 

• On Jeeto's bday Santa had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

 

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.

 

 

 

 

• Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.

 

TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.

 

 

 

 

• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

 

 

 

 

• Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa. Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.

 

Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete Hon.

 

 

 

 

• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

 

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

 

 

 

 

• Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring(wife)

 

 

 

 

• What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!

 

 

 

 

• Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

 

Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"

 

 

 

 

5 New Jokes

                   Ek bhoot dusare bhoot ko bolta hai -

 

                    Kitni ajeeb baat hai aadmi mar ne

 

                    ke baad bhoot ban jata hai,
               par aurat chudel ki chudel hi rehti hai..... 
 
                     

 

                    Wife - Ek baat bolu maarna mat.
                            Husband - Bolo.
                          Wife - I am pregnant.
                 Husband - Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
                    Wife - College me ek baar papa ko
                       batai thi to bahut maara tha. 
 
             

 

                A marathi student in a village was asked to
                  read the English numbers 70, 82, 89, 99.
          He reads "Shewanti, Yeti tu? Yeti nai? nai tar nai..."

 

 

 

        Accused - Bachpan me maa ki bat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
                         Judge - Kya kehti thi maa?
        Accused - Jab bat hi nahi suni to kaise batau kya kehti thi?
         Wife - "Suno ji, doctor ne muze 1 mahine aaram k liye kisi
           Hill station pe jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?"
                      Husband - Dusre doctor ke pas.

 

 

 

 

         A villager goes to a 5 star hotel and orders fried fish.
                     Waiter - Sir, French or Spanish?
         Santa - Jo marji le aa, muje kaunsi baatein karni hai....! 
                                                                       

 

 

old age funtime

A 90-year-old man was getting his annual checkup done. The doctor asked him How he was feeling.

 

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

 

The doctor thought for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story.

 

I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his
Umbrella instead of his gun".

 

The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and
suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

 

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

 

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
Someone else must have shot! that lion."

 

....."EXACTLY !!" Said the Doctor.

 

 

Aspire to Inspire before you Expire

What A Coincidence!

 

A chicken farmer went to a local bar..... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

 

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

 

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me...... I am celebrating'

 

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

 

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

 

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

 

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

 

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

 

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

 

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

 

 

Aspire to Inspire before you Expire

group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians.

 

They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one politician every hour.

 

********

 

Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.

 

Doctor: Don't worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it's the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

 

********

 

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."

 

Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

 

********

 

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

 

"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

 

 

sitting at a computer all day

For those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

 

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

 

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

 

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

What is the meaning of WIFE naughty jokes

Three friends, one Bengali, one Punjabi and one Tamil were travelling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE ?"

 

First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it."

 

Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. Through it".

Third and last turn was of Punjabi, "Wife is like a casette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

 

 

MY HUSBAND DID

A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ..... and robs the Bank!...

 

But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line:

 

"Did you see me rob this Bank?" The customer replies ....."YES"

 

The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT TO THE CUSTOMER HEAD and BANG!!!!...

 

SHOOTS THE CUSTOMER IN THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM!

 

The bank robber quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the woman: "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK????"

 

The woman calmly responds . "No ... but MY HUSBAND DID!"

 

 

What is the secret behind your happy married life

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

ISHQ or DOSTI meri zindgi ka guman-sms collection

ISHQ or DOSTI meri zindgi ka guman h..
ISHQ meri ruh DOSTI mera iman h..

 

ISHQ pe kar du fida apni sari ZINDGI..
Magar DOSTI par mera ISHQ B QURBAAN hai.

 

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My maths teacher told me 1'hour=60 mins.
& 1'min=60'secs.

 

But she never told me that 1'sec.
Without a FRIEND like U is equal to 100'years.

 

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How long shall v b friends?
Do u want a clue?

 

As long as stars twinkle in the sky, till the water runs dry
& till the day I die. We will b friends.

 

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A single candle can illuminate an entire room.

 

A true friend lights up an entire lifetime.

 

Thanks for the bright lights of ur friendship.

 

 

 

 

4 Marriage Mix Jokes

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

 

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

 

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

 

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

 

******

 

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

 

He asks, "What are you doing?"

 

She answers, "I'm moving to London . I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."

 

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

 

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".

 

******

 

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

 

2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

 

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

 

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

 

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

 

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

 

******

 

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

 

His wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."

 

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up,

 

She looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box giftwrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.

 

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.

 

 

maut ke baad yaad aa raha hai koi sms collection

maut ke baad yaad aa raha hai koi,
meri kabr se mitti utha raha hai koi,

 

eh khuda do pal ki zindagi aur dede,
meri kabr se udaas ja raha hai koi...

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Zaroori to nahin jeene ke liye sahara ho
Zaroori to nahin hum jinke hain vo hamara ho

 

Kuch Kashtiyaan doob bhi jaati hain...
Zaroori to nahin ke har Kashti ka koi kinara ho....

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humne socha shayad sirf hum chahate hai aapko,
par aapko chahne walon ka to kafila nikla.

 

dil ne kaha shikayat kare khuda se,
par woh bhi aapko chahne wala nikla...

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Raat hui jab shaam ke baad,
Teri yaad aayi har baat ke baad.

 

Humne khamosh rehkar bhi dekha,
par teri aawaz aayi har saans ke baad...

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Yaaden teri rakh di hai sambhalkar sms collection

Yaaden teri rakh di hai sambhalkar,
Dur kahi is dil se nikalkar.

 

Sab kuch to vapas le liya hai aapne dur jaakar,
In yaadon ko bhi le jana kisi roz aakar..

 

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Dil to Jalkar rakh ho gaya,
Magar in ankho se roya na gaya,

 

Kuch jakhm judai ke aise mile,
Ki phoolon ke bister pe bhi soya na gaya.

 

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Mitti meri kabr se churata hai koi,
Mar kar bhi yaad ata hai koi,

 

Ae khuda ek pal ki jindagi aur de mujhe,
Udas meri kabr se jata hai koi

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Dhadkano ko sunkar bhi tumhe pyaar ki khabar nahi hoti...
Kya mahsoos karoge tum dil ka dard,
Dil tutne ki to awaz bhi nahi hoti

Dil se tera khayal na jaaye to kya karu - sms

Dil se tera khayal na jaaye to kya karu,
tu hee bata tu yaad aaye to kya karu.

 

hasrat yeh hai ki ek nazar tujhe dekh lu,
magar kismat woh din na laaye to kya karu.

 

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har acchi cheez ka bura jawab nahi hota,
har husn lajawab nahi hota...

 

nazar to nazaro se milti hai,
har nazar ka matlab pyar nahi hota..

 

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Yeh dosti meri nahi hamaari hai,
Isliye toh saab rishton si pyaari hai.

 

Zaroori nahi doston ka roz milna,
Tabhi toh sms,phone calls,mails ka silsila jaari hai!

 

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Aankhen thak gayi meri Uske intezar me;
Waqt ne loota hume Bhare bazaar me;

 

kyon nahin aayi wo Milne humse;
Hum me kami thi, Ya humare pyar me.....

 

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30 romantic sms

1  Unki Tasviro Ko Seene Se Laga Lete Hai, Is Tarah Judai Ka Gam Mita Dete Hai, Kisi Tara Kabhi Unka Zikr Ho Jaye To, Bheegi Palko Ko Juka Lete Hai.

2  Ai meri zindagi yu mujhse daga na kar, Use bhul kar zinda rahu ye dua na kar, Koi dekhta hai use to hoti hai taqleef, Ai hawa tu bhi use chua na kar.

3  Karte Rahe Intezaar Har Ghari, A Dil Humne Ye Kaya Kho Diya Uth Gaya Yakeen Wafa Se, Jaane Tumne Wo Waada Kyon Kiya Suraj Nei Hansna Aur Taaron Nei Muskuranaa Chhor Diya Aag  Thee Dil Mei Mohabaat Ki, Usney Bee Ab Jalna Chhor Diya

4  Woh Ek Lafz Ki Khushboo Na Rakh Sake Mehfooz Hum Unke Haath Sari Kitaab Kya Dete

5  Intezaar Ke Lamhe Sholey Mein Badalne Lage Hain, Hum Unka Intezaar Karne Lage Hain, Woh Aayi Nahi Abhi Tak Samay

Bahot Ho Gaya Hain, Ab To Hum Ghadi Se Bhi Sharminda Ho Gaye Hain

6  Unki Tasviro Ko Seene Se Laga Lete Hai, Is Tarah Judai Ka Gam Mita Dete Hai, Kisi Tara Kabhi Unka Zikr Ho Jaye To, Bheegi Palko Ko Juka Lete Hai.

 

7  Din Tere Khayal Mein Gujar Jata Hai, Raat Ko Bhi Khayal Tera He Aata Hai. Kabhi Ye Khayal Is Tarah Bad Jaata Hai Ki Aaine Mein Bhi Tera Chehra Nazar Aata Hai.

8  Itna Kuch Khoya Ki Hume Paana Na Aaya, Pyar Kiya To Jatana Na Aaya. Aa Gaye Is Dil Mein Pehli Hi Nazar Mein Who, Kasoor Humara Tha Jo Hume Unke Dil Mein Samana Na Aaya.

9  Hum Na Hote To, Kisi Aur Ke Charche Hote, Na Hota Jo Yeh Ishq, To Koi Aur Gham Ke Bahaane Hote

10  Raat Gumsum Hai Magar Chan Khamosh Nahi, Kaise Keh Du Aaj Fir Hosh Nahi. Aisa Duba Teri Aakho Ki Gehrai Main, Haath Mein Jam Hai Magar Pine Ka Hosh Nahi.

11  Sirf Tum Hi Ho Zindagi Main Par Main Tumhe Pa Nahi Sakta, Rahega Dukh Hamesha Tumhe Na Pane Ka. Par Apni Khushi Ke Liye Tumhe Rula Nahi Sakta.

12  Kuch Bata Pichle Paher Khuwaab Main Aane Wale Kab Woh Din Aayenge Phir Humko Milane Wale

13  Kuch Jane Kuch Pahchane ,Kuch Anjane Se Log Miley, Shayed Main Deewana Mujhko Deeewane Se Log Miley.

14  Hum Wo Nai Jo Bhul Jaya Karte Hai, Hum Wo Hai Jo Nibhaya Karte Hai, Dur Rehke Milna Shyad Mushkil Ho, Par Yad Banke Sason Me Bus Jaya Karte Hai.

15  Har Waqt Muskurana Fitrat Hai Hamari, Aap Yuhin Khush Rahe Hasrat Hai Hamari, Aap Ko Hum Yaad Aaye Na Aaye, Aapko Yad Karna Aadat Hai Hamari

16  Tez Dhadkanoon Ko Sunkar Bhi Tumhe Pyar Ki Khabar Nahi Hoti.... Kya Mehsoos Karoge Tum Dil Ka Dard, Dil Ke Tutne Ki To Awaaz Bhi Nahi Hoti....

17  Dard Mein Dil Ke Muskarane Se Yaad Aaye Kuch Log Purane Se Main To Do Kadam Bhi Nahi Chal Sakta Tu He Aaja Kisi Bahane Se

18  Meri Chaahat Pe Tum Humesha Bharosha Rakhana, Ey Khuda Mere Mehboob Ko Sada Salamat Rakhana, Tere Sapnoko Sanwar Ne Hum Jaroor Aayenge, Bas Aankho Me Humara Intezaar Rakhana

19  Sitaro Ko Ankho Me Mahefus Rakhna Bahot Lambi Raat Hi Raat Hogi........ Musafir Ho Tum Bhi, Musafir He Ham Bhi Kahi Kisi Mod Pe Phir Mulakat Hogi......

20  Youn Badi Der Se Paimaana Liye Betha Hu, Koi Dekhe To Ye Samjhe K Piye Betha Hu.... Zindagi Bhar K Liye Ruth K Jaane Wale, Mein Abhi Tak Teri Tasveer Liye Bhetha Hu....

21  Jinki Tamanna Dil Mein Thi, Judai Ab Hum Unki Sehte Hain, Fursat Nahi Unhe Humse Baat Karne Ki, Is Liye Hum Har Waqt Khamosh Se Rehte Hain

22   Veeran Hai Dil, Tanhaaiyon Ki Bahar Hai Tere Yandon Ke Kanty, Bas Yahi Kuch Ab Sath Hai Tum Gai Sath Mai Chale Gai Hai Najare Najaro Mai Bas Ab Sirf Tera Intzaar Hai

23  Gam Bade Aate Hain..Katil Ki Nighaahon Ki Tarah, Tum Chupa Lo Mujhe Ae Dost Mujhe Gunaahon Ki Tarah

24  Aap Har Manzil Ko Mushkil Samjhate Hai, Hum Har Mushkil Ko Manzil Samjhate Hai, Bada Fark Hai Aapke Or Humare Nazriye Mein, Aap Dil Ko Dard Or Hum Dard Ko Dil Samjhate Hai.

25  Esa Na Tha Ki Aaine Ke Aage,Hamne Khud Ko Kabhi Savara Na Tha !! Esa Bhi Na Tha Ki Bhari Duniya Main,Mera Koi Sahara Na Tha !! Per Hum Jiske Ho Chuke He Dilo Jaan Se,Afsos Vo Hamara Na Tha !!

26  Na Milne Ki Khushi Na Bichhed Ne Ka Gam, Na Udaas Na Tanha Hai Hum. Kaise Kahe Kaise Hai Hum.... Bas Aapke Bina Akele Hai Hum....

27  Ansuo Se Palak Bhigo Leta Tha.., Yaad Teri Ati Thi To Ro Leta Thha...... Socha Tha Ke Bhoola Du Tujhey Mager, Har Baar Faisla Badal Deta Tha....

28  Wafa Karne Ka Wada To Hum Bhi Naa Kar Paayenge, Magar Yeh Jaroor Kahte Hai Ki Bewfai Naa Hogi Humse...

29  Yaad Karta Hoon Tumhe Yaad Aati Hi Nai Kaise Aayae Woh Cheez Jo Jaati Hi Nahi

30  Na Samjha Meri Mohobbat Ko Tune, Na Samjhi Gayi Teri Wafa Mujhse... Gila Na Kiyaa Tha Kabhi Bhi Humne, Ab Kyaa Karenge Shikaayat Tujhse...
 

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai went into a cafeteria and ordered two drinks

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai went into a cafeteria and ordered two drinks.

 

Then they produced Thepla's from their shopping bags and started to eat.

 

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them,
"You can't eat your own food in here!"

 

Kanjibhai and Ramjibhai looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged Theplas.

 

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town and three beggars thought of approaching him for help

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town. Three beggars thought of approaching him for help. The first man went to the millionaire and said: "O Lord! I want five rupees. Please give me." The millionaire was taken aback at this man's impudence. "What! You demand five rupees from me as though I owe you the money! How dare you? How can I afford to give five rupees to a single beggar? Here, take these two rupees and get away," he said. The man went away with the two rupees.
 
The next beggar went to the millionaire and said: "Oh Lord! I have not taken a square meal for the past ten days. Please help me."
"How much do you want?" asked the millionaire.

 

 

 

"Whatever you give me, Maharaj," replied the beggar.
"Here, take this ten rupee note. You can have nice food for at least three days." The beggar walked away with the ten rupee note.
 
The third beggar came. "Oh Lord, I have heard about your noble qualities. Therefore, I have come to see you. Men of such charitable disposition are verily the manifestations of God on earth," he said.

 

 

 

"Please sit down," said the millionaire. "You appear to be tired. Please take this food," he said, and offered food to the beggar.
"Now please tell me what I can do for you."

 

 

 

"Oh Lord," replied the beggar; "I merely came to meet such a  noble personage that you are. You have given me this rich food already. What more need I get from you? You have already shown extraordinary kindness towards me. May God bless you!"

 

 

 

But the millionaire, struck by the beggar's spirit, begged of the beggar to remain with him, built a decent house for him in his own compound, and looked after him for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

God is like this good millionaire. Three classes of people approach Him, with three different desires and prayers. There is the greedy man full of vanity, full of arrogance, full of desires. He demands the objects of worldly enjoyment from God. Since this man, whatever be his vile desires, has had the good sense to approach God, He grants him some part of the desired objects (even these very soon pass away, just as the two rupees the first beggar got are spent before nightfall).

 

 

 

The other type of devotee prays to the Lord for relief from the sufferings of the world, but is better than the first one, in as much as he is ready to abide by His Will. To him the Lord grants full relief from suffering, and bestows on him much wealth and property.

 

 

 

The third type  he merely prays to the Lord: "O Lord, Thou art Existence-Absolute, Knowledge-Absolute, Bliss-Absolute, etc., etc." What does he want? Nothing. But the Lord is highly pleased with his spirit of renunciation, of desirelessness and of self-surrender. Therefore, He makes him eat His own food, I.e., He grants this man Supreme Devotion to Himself. Over and above this, He makes the devotee to live in His own House For ever afterwards this devotee dwells in the Lord's Abode as a Liberated Sage

 

 

 

 

Mothers & daughters-in-law new joke

Mothers & daughters-in-law!

 
A group of young women decided to arrange for
a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully
get to know and understand each other better s
eeing relations between them were very sour.  
Two buses were hired, one for the mothers-in-law
and the other for the daughters-in-law.

 
Unfortunately the bus with the mothers-in-law
was involved in an accident and all the passengers
died on the spot. The daughters in law (
women being women) shed a few tears but they
were all puzzled by one sister who wailed
uncontrollably for what they perceived to be her loss.

 
Her friend asked her, "Forgive me for asking
but why are you crying so hard, I didn't realize
u were so close to your mother-in-law?" to which she replied,

 
"No we are not close at all, she missed the bus!"

Correction - JOKES

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

............................................

Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband:  Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...??
U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

............................................

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married.

Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

............................................

Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
& the other ensures U Continue to do so.

............................................

man ordered a soup in the restaurant JOKES

A man ordered a soup in the restaurant but, as soon as the soup arrived, he had to go to the bathroom.
To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I HAVE SPIT IN THE SOUP".
Once he returned, he found a message on the same napkin: "ME, TOO".

...............................................

Son asks father diff btw Confidence and Confidential?
Dad says- u are my son, i am confident,
Ur friend is also my son that's Confidential.

...............................................

A pregnant lady goes to one swamiji.
The swami says when the baby get's delivered the baby's father will die!
The lady says "oh thank god, my husband is safe.."

...............................................

Heart beat are countless,
Spirits are ageless,
Dreams r endless,
Memories are timeless
And a friend like u is Useless.
Oops! Sorry Yaar, Priceless...

...............................................

 

Kabhi Honda Chalaya kya hindi jokes

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45 KMPH on a high

way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came zooooooooooooooooming

on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari 'Kabhi Honda

chalaya kya?'

and sped off....The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.

 

After some time the Sardarji came zoooooooooom... in the

opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again 'kabhi honda chalaya

kya?' and speed off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the

Sardar was teasing about his driving.

 

After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said

the same thing peeping into the car .

 

The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off.

This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he

found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.. He got down and mocked at the

sardar

 

' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaya kya?'

 

The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond

raha tha'

 

HASANA MANA HAI JOKES AT BEST

School Mein Ishq Ka Naya Mahool Tyar Ho Gaya,
Class Ki Teacher Ko Papu Se Pyar Ho Gaya.

Iss Baat Se Sari Class Ka Dil Udas Ho Gaya,
Sari Class Fail, Aur..... Papu Pass Ho Gaya....
 
 

**********

Dil ki baat dil mein mat rakhna,
Jo pasand ho usse ILU kehna.

Agar wo ghusse mein aa jaaey to darna mat ,
Raakhi nikalna aur kehna pyari behna milti rehna...

 

**********


UNKI GALI SE MERA JANAZA NIKLA
WO NA NIKLE JINKE LIYE JANAZA NIKLA,

UNKA GHAR AAYA TO MERE DOST SITI BAJANE LAGE,
RAKHKE MERA JANAZA KAMINE USKO PATANE LAGE....
 

 
**********

Arz kiya hai!!!...Itne kamjor hue teri judai se...

Gaur farmaiye...Itne kamjor hue teri judai se...

Ki chinti bhi ab kheech le jaati hai charpai se....
 

 
**********

palkon pe apni bithaya hai tumhe,
Badi duao ke baad paaya hai tumhe,

Aasani se nahi mile ho tum
National zuological Park se churaya hai tumhe....!!!

 

**********

 
kabhi kehte the dost hamare ke jaan bhi maango to hazir hai,

Aaj apni bivi ko jaan kehte hai,Aur maango to inkaar karte hain...
 

 
**********


 
Naari ke chakkar mein bhool na jaana yaari,

Jab laat maaregi naari to yaad aayegi hamari...

Purush bachao samiti ki taraf se Janhit mein jaari....
 
 

**********


Aaj kuch gahbraye se lagte ho,
Thand mein kampkapaye se lagte ho...

Nikhar kar aayi hai surat aapki,
Lagata hain Bahut dino baad nahaye se lagte ho...
 

 
**********


 Batoun mein jiski rawani nahi hai,
Usay kabhi Jillat uthani nahi hai,

Yeh chehray par jo tu dekhta hai,
Woh powder hai nada(Pure)  Jawani nahi hai....


 
**********

 
College ki galion mein ajjeb khel hota hai,

Class ke bahane dilo ka khel hota hai,

Notes ki jagah luvmail hota hai, Isliye to Pappu har saal fail hota hai...


 
**********

 

Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua,
Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua,

Masti Ka mastaana Hua,
Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua...


 
**********
 

Suraj se achha Tara koi nahi,
Jaisa hai Rishta humaraa dusraa koi nahi!

Chahe saari duniyaa me dhund lo;
Mere jaisa Pyaraa, aur Tere jaisa Aawaraa aur koi nahi!!


 
**********

 

Bhagwan ke naam pe 1 patni dede...
Apni nahi toh dusre ki dede...

Bhagwan tujhe 1 kay badle3 dega
Anurag ki tarah Prerna kay saath Aparna aur komolika free dega...


 
**********

 

Baithe tere khayalon mein,
Kore kagaz pe likh dala tera naam...

Tasvir bhi utaar dali,Aur likha yeh paigam...
Zinda ya Murda pakdnewale ko 5 rs inaam...


 
**********

 

Khuda kare tujhe har jagah se satkar mile,
Mujh se bhi acche yaar milen.

Rakhi ko teri girlfriend tujhe rakhi bandhe,
Aur tujhe zindagi bhar us se behan ka pyar mile...


 
**********

 

Aapke hi charche har gali mein hain,
Har ladki ke dil mein aapke liye pyar hai.

Ye koi chamtkar nahi,Time hi aisa hai...
kyonki kuch hi dino me RAKHI ka tyohaar hai... 
 

 
**********

 

Jab jab ghire badal teri yaad ayi,
Jhom ke barsa sawan teri yaad ayi,

Bhiga main phir bhee teri yaad ayi,
Ab nahin raha jata, CHATRI LAUTA DE BHAI...
 

 
**********

Yusuf ka husn, Zulekha ka khumaar dekha hai,
Kuch is tarah se Haseenon ka pyaar dekha hai,

Unhe khilane pilaane main hui hai yeh haalat,
Kasm khuda ki..Cinema bhi udhaar dekha hai...


 
**********

Industries sari mere yaar khaa gaye,
Meri Sari jaydaaad rishtedar khaa gaye,

Marne Ke baad bhi unho ne ki meri saath cheating,
Banaye mazar to minaar kha gaye.......