multi-syllable words

Little Johnny's teacher says "Class today we are going to learn
multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny raises his hand "Me Miss Finch!"

Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad "All right Little Johnny
what is your multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate".

Miss Finch smiles and says "Well little Johnny that sure is a mouthful!".

Little Johnny says "No Miss Finch you're thinking of a blowjob".

I was a light bulb

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then
he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the
ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss
would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are
you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you
think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....)

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   ..

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   ...

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   .

   She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

Always allow BOSS to speak first

             A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
                         are on their way to a meeting.
     On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
                        rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

                                The ghost says,
           "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
                            I will allow one wish each"
                      So the eager senior manager shouted,
         "I want the first wish. I want to be at Goa, on a fast boat and
                                 have no worries."
                            Pufffff. and he was gone.

 

 

       Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to
       be In 5-star Hotel  with beautiful attendents , plenty of food and
                                  cocktails.
                       " Pufffff. and he was also gone.
                            

 

                            The boss calmly said,
    "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 2.35 pm."
 

Man opens the door of his car for his wife

Q: What is the difference between your paycheck and your d*ck?

A: You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

 

                        * * * * *

 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

you can be sure of one thing either the car is new or the wife is.

 

                       * * * * *

 

Marrige is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marrige is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

                      * * * * *

Kanjibhai likes Chinese food

Kanjibhai   walked into a Chinese restaurant one day and placed his order. While he was waiting for his food to be prepared, he struck up a conversation with the old Chinese man who was the proprietor of the shop.

The conversation turned to culture and knowledge.

"I am intrigued by how wise you Chinese people are," Kanjibhai  said.

"Yes," replied the Chinaman, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But you Gujarati's  are a very wise people too."

Kanjibhai   replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."

"That's impossible!" the Chinese man replied.

"Why do you say that?" asked Kanjibhai  .

"Because that simply can't be!" replied the Chinese man. "Where would your Gujarati people have eaten for the first thousand years?"

 

 

 

Kanjibhai goes to a Mall

Kanjibhai and Rupaben took their two-year-old Niece ( Mama Ni Dikri ) to the Shopping Mall.

The little girl soon got tired of walking, so Kanjibhai let her ride on his shoulders.

As Kanjibhai walked, The little girl began pulling his hair.

Although Kanjibhai asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting irritated , Kanjibhai asked the little girl to Stop that.

"But, Mamaji ," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my chewing gum back."

Kanjibhai Shins - The Joke

While giving a physical, the doctor noticed Kanjibhai's shins were covered with dark, savage bruises.

"Tell me," asked the doctor to Kanjibhai , "do you play hockey or soccer ?"

"Neither...." said Kanjibhai , "Rupaben and I play bridge."

Funny Sardar Jokes

Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

 

A Mixed Collection of Funny Poetry

Kon kehta hai pyaar may pakray jaeen gay?
Waqt aanay per behen bhai ban jaeen gay

 

Teray husn ki kia taareef karoo?tera bander jaisa mu
Teri zulfo ki kia tareef karoo?teray ek ek baal pe joon

 

Mohabbat mujhay un jawano se hai
Jo khatay peetay gharano se hain

 

Aj bagh may kali hai, kal gulaab ho ga
Mujh se shadi karlo,tum ko sawab ho ga

 

Itnay dino se jalanay nahi aya
Jalti hui aag ko bujhanay nahi aya
Kehta tha saath jiyen gay saath marain gay
Ab rooth gai hoon to ullu ka patha mananay bhi nahi aya.

 

Ghar se roz jata hai wo, Maa ko bohot rulata hai wo
Kambakht baap, Sab ko hi satata hai wo

 

Hathi nay kaha ja kar hathni ki kabar per
Sadqay jaoo tumhari patli kamar per

 

Tum bhi becahara,hum bhi becahara
Fittay mu tumhara,fittay mu hamara

 

Hum nay usay dekha angle badal kar
Us nay hamay mara sandle badal kar

 

Dil kay armaa aanso'oo may bah gaye
Un kay bachay hamay mamu kah gaye

 

Hum nay tumhay dil diya dildar samajh kar
Tum kha gaye is ko naswaar samajh kar

 

Dabbay may dabba dabbay may khargosh
Nana nay aankh mari nani behosh

 

Khuda karay sab haseenaao ke baap mar jaeen
Maut ka bahana ho aur hum in kay ghar jaeen

 

Ishq kay samander main ghota lagaya
Pani both thanda tha main bahar nikal aya

 

Un ki gali say guzray,ajab ittefaq tha
Unho nay phool phanka,gamla bhi saath tha

 

Log kehtay hain kayamat kay din marr jaeen gay
Hum bhi bohot chalaak hai,mangi thallay war jaeen gay

 

Wo ankh bari pyaari thi jo hum nay usay mari thi
Wo sandle bari bhari thi jo us nay hamay mari thi

 

Mera dil para hai loose Is ko matt karo tum use
Warna parain gay tum ko shoes

 

"Sahib Zaday kiya karte hain" Larki Waloon ne poocha
"Jab dekho farigh phirte hain ya tambako pite hain"
Larkay ki amman yeh bolin....kam kare us ki joti
"do bhai bhatta lete hain--abba khair se daku hain"

 

nakam muhabbat ka har eik dukh sehna..
.har haal main anjam se darte rehna
Qudrat ka barra anjam hai jaidi........
mehbooba ki olad ka "mamoon" kehna!

 

Ishq main fanni kharabi...........Munqata hi ho geya saab silsila
Is tarha toota hai un se wasta....jis tarha T.V main toote rabta

 

Rat ka waqt hai or masjid hai qareeb
uthiye jaldi se ke peghame amal laya hoon
ghar main hain filhal jitne bhi purane jote
aap bhi jake badal lain main badal aya hoon

 

or bhi chizain lut chuki hain dil ke sath
yeh batayen doston ne ishq farmane ke baad
is liye kamre ki eik eik chiz check karta hoon main
" eik tere ane se pehle eik tere jane ke baad"

 

bhains rakhne ka takalluf hamse ho sakta nahin
ham ne sokhe doodh ka dabba jo hai rakha hua
ghar main rakhain ghair mehrm ko mulazim kis liye
kam karne ke liye abba jo hai rakha hua

 

Utha kar phool ki patti, nazaakat se masal daali
Ishaarey se kaha Hum dil "Aisa" haal kartey hain

 

dil karta hai keh uss kay nazook hontoon koo chuum loonnnnn
magar uss kee behteee hooyee naak nay meraa iradaa hee badal diyaaa

 

chandni chand se hogi to sitaroon ka kiya ho ga
mohabbat eik se hogi to hazaroon ga kiya ho ga

 

Abhi abhi to pyaar ka computer kiya hai chaaloo
Aab main dil ki hard disk pe aur kitni files daaloo

 

Apne chehare se ruswaai ka error to hatao
Ai jaaneman apne dil ka password to batao

 

Woh to hum hain jo aap ki chahat dil main rakhte hain
Warna aap jaise kitney hi softwares bazaar main bikte hain

 

Roz raat ko aap mere sapne main aate ho
Mere pyar ko mouse bana ke ungaliyon pe nachaate ho

 

Tere pyar ka email mere dil ko Lubhataa hai
Par beech main tere baap ka virus aataa hai

 

Aur karvaaoge humse kitnaa intezaar
Hamaare dil ki site pe kabhi enter to maro yaar

 

Apni insult ka badalaa dekhna main kaise loonga
Jaaneman tere baap ko Shift Delete kar doonga

 

Aap jaiso ke liye dil ko cut ker diya karte hai
Warna baaki cases main to copy paste kiya karte hai

 

Aapka hasnaa aap ka chalnaa aap ki woh style
Aapke adaaon ki hamne save hai kar li file

Nine Jokes 18+ Amazing

 

1) "Rape is Not a Crime"
 Its just a "Surprise Sex"

 

 2)Medical Science Says:
 "Tight Clothing Slows Blood Circulation"
 But the Truth is..
 "Tighter The Woman's Clothing,
 Faster The Circulation Of MAN's Blood" ;->

 

 3)In school canteen,
 there was a basket of apples with a written note:
 "don't take more than 1, God is watching!"
 A little further there was a box of choclates,
 a naughty child wrote:
 "Take as many as u want. God is watching the apples"

 

 4)8 year son: Dad what's sex?
 Dad gets tensed but explained everything.
 Kid: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of admision form
 ?

 

 5)A depressed boy asked an old man:
 Is there anything worst than losing a girlfriend?
 He replied: Yes, Losing your confidence of getting another one.

 

 6)Virginity is
 Neither a Dignity,
 Nor a Security,
 Nor Even a Sign of Purity,
 Its just a...
 Lack of 0pportunity."
"

 

 

 7)Woman in bed with husband's best friend.
 phone rings,
 Woman: Yes?.. Ok,.. fine,..bye.
 Turns to her Lover and laughs;
 My husband saying he is playing golf with you.

 

 8)A criminal enter into bed room,
 tied up husband & wife,
 kissed wife's ear & went to bathroom.
 Husband told wife, "satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong I LOVE U"
 Wife said "He didnt kiss me,
 He whispered in my ear that he's GAY,
 needs vaseline & I told him its in the bathroom.
 So b strong, I LOVE [....]

 

 9)A 5 year old boy,
 while taking bath
 and examining his testicles
 Asks: 'Mum, are these my brains?'
'Not yet', she replied.